The rat race

I recall watching a few YouTube videos with the titles:

‘Why self improvement is ruining your life’

The basis of these videos were, in the pursuit of improving oneself, becoming more productive and achieving more, you some how lose your sense of self. Everything you do feels like a means to an end, to get better, to improve yourself, to achieve more. And the circle repeats.

In this eternal rat race to become “successful” many have come with their very own theories and laws to make this happen. I’m sure you’ve across the titles such as:

“The millionaire morning routine”

or

“How waking up by 5am has changed my life”

I am not neglecting the truths and benefit of these practices.

However, some may think “if I don’t wake up by 5am I’m never going to be successful”

or “I forgot to journal today, my day has been ruined”

The narrative and conditions of your thinking has been pre-set by these seemingly concrete ideas. Just because it works for one does not mean it will work for everyone. Why not set something that works for yourself, we are all individuals right? Why not think outside the bo...

Wait what?

Been a while...

I need to read. I should really be reading, can’t sit here in silence.

What's the name of that book again? Oh yeah 'Do hard things’

You have to do the hard things in life even if you don’t want to, that's how you become successful, that's how you make it.

Right?

It must be, its been written, it must be true, so many people can vouch. So many people has practiced this and shown that it works. Everybody that works hard becomes successful.

Right?

What about the person who's been working hard all their lives to retire with nothing? Who knows.

Why can’t I define my own success?

Ha!

Its a man made thing to be a made man. The irony... They really got us.

Yesterday was good though, I read my bible, felt like I accomplished something, need to try harder, need to get up and grind! Interesting choice of word (grind).

Damn...

Woke up late today... Don’t worry ty again next time.

The woman in purple

The dialogue of the mind has always been a fascinating subject to me. In regards to our thoughts and ideas, some believe in the concept of these universal clouds which we all have access to depending on our level of awareness. This means that some if not all of us have processed something in the exact same way or the same or similar thoughts have crossed our minds at some point in our lives. This all depends on our level of experience of course. If an individual hasn’t had an event that evokes a certain thought or idea, then that whole process stays dormant.

I am not here to debate the truth of this, I do believe however if one is capable of thinking something, then we all are. The difference is to further indulge in the thought or let go. The actor Will Smith once said he is in full control of every thought and feeling that comes from within. Unfortunately, we are not all capable of the same, whether it be due to a lack of discipline or simply genetics. The average human often finds themselves sucked into a wormhole of possibilities, scenarios, or even thinking about thinking.

These are what I like to call inner thoughts, they are not mine nor yours but instead ours. To catch a glimpse of ourselves in each other is a thing of beau...

Pardon me, I digress...

What was I thinking about again?

...Separated by only a few chairs, the one in purple, not sure if I was followed onto the

carriage, there were other options to sit away from me, even other carriages, why choose this one? Why sit here? could it be because of me, no it must be! It's all too coincidental.

or paranoia at its finest...

Ahhh the human mind, an oasis that screams danger.

Yet there is no eye contact, too busy eating half of an apple and indulging in the content of one's mobile device. Need to read my bible. Need to? Want to? my bible? who knows.

This distraction has me longing for eye contact.

They do say the eyes are the windows to each soul. However, this longing screams see me!

As if I did not look at myself in the mirror this morning, see me! As if many eyes haven’t stared upon me today, see me! Notice me! I am here, I am real!

Well.... perhaps...

Is this a distraction from “the enemy”?

I think so...

Who is the enemy? me? so many questions.

At this point in the journey, my mind is consumed with unnecessary things. Feels filled up, cloudy, trying to make sense of everything rather than let everything make sense. I find

meditation helps during these times, so that is what I must do even now.

Until next time...

Nothing last forever

You're just like me only happy

When you get to leave the party

We never say goodbye we just go

They teleported from corner to corner. Exploring every space in this new world. Only grasp of reality was each other. Eye contact felt like a delve into the universe, one saw the deep alluring emptiness of space, there was profound, captivating love and a yet slight hint of coldness, as if to say "you can get hurt". The other saw bright stars, that could easily blind you from the ambiguous truth of this being. The waterfall came falling down, not wanting to drown, the gaze was broken.

You're just like me far from normal

Too impulsive anti-social

We bring out the baddest parts of us

The silence spoke volumes, there was no awkwardness or wanting to speak. It was perfect. To be able to sit in complete silence with someone is to understand them completely. One looked and asked "Is this all you wanted?" to which the response was "no..." waterfalls came streaming down, out of which came the whisper... "this is all you're getting..."

In that moment there was a realisation... "I am drowning... I have been a fool...the siren... the bold temptress, you're so tempting..."

We're just people made of broken pieces

I got secrets you got secrets in your eyes

Why does sad love always taste the sweetest?

We got reasons, we got reasons you and I

Observing the observer admiring the reflection of oneself. Was this all a game?... Was it even real? They sang with passion together in unison yet detached from the lyrics, they stared intensely with coldness, both as shallow as a puddle, yet as deep as the ocean. Was this all an act? This beautiful new world they created began to be tainted, there were cracks in the atmosphere... Literally, the sun broke through the curtains. It was day time. The world they created was no bigger than a prison cell but it felt like an entire universe to them. A World within a world. Nothing outside seemed to matter. Nothing outside existed.. Until now.. They both saw the flaws in each other... They were both alike.. Deep cold-hearted love... As they sat on the floor, coming to the end of this journey... She whispered to him...

"this was just an experience... its not forever..."

His world shattered, there was silence... he took the lesson in.

Everything doesn't have to last forever... Experiences come and go, people come and go... Let them go when it's time... We tend to hold onto to things longer than we should. Be present, live fully.

She opened the door, gave one final look, and exited, never to be seen again... He laid there... Alone once again...

The song continued to play in the background...

I got secrets you got secrets in your eyes

We got reasons, we got reasons you and I...