Give it to the water

As we come to the end of this series of such is life journals. What a journey it has been thus far. Many lessons learnt, many new beginning, many unrealised needed endings. I hope in the midst of the chaos and fragmented writings you found a thin line of progress and hope. Within the fogginess of this life your vision is clear and precise. Embrace your beautiful journey, even the darkest of times, especially the darkest of times. Those are often the most critical moments in which you are shaped and moulded into who you are.

On the topic of sentiments.

And yes, I have been called a man of sentiments, and I do view myself as one. More previously than as of recent. This could be viewed as a positive or negative trait depending on your perspective. As we know, most of this thing called life is perspective.

And so my friends, as we approach the ending this momentous year, give it to the water, let them go, let it go. Delete it, throw it away. Clear your space, clear your mind. End it, start it. Deep within, you already know what you must do, don't let FOMO cloud your judgement. Take that leap, swim back to shore. Do what you must to regain yourself once more. Cleanse your whole being, wash yourself clean of the past, step into your present, as this often fuels your future. And your future is bright my friend. All that the world has to offer is waiting for you to step into it.

Until next time my friends...

01:29AM: For you to write about

A question was posed...

“Would you be happy if you did not see me again?

To which the reply was …

“Life...”

DM notification

01:29am:

On the bad days. The really bad days that you may not forget even if many years has passed by. I would feel like I’m in hell, in constant torment created by who else but myself. Maybe, even you, and the others... I would feel so stupid for having ever agreed to get married. God why? Why? I was young and naïve. You questioned my reasons but little did you know I was already too far gone, promises were already made. Maybe in another life me and you could have...

What makes me stop crying and start feeling more fulfilled rather than victimised is deep down, deep within my heart, deep within my soul I know that I deserve this.

I deserve the bad days for all the wrong I did. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I kept telling myself this is the last time. After this I am done, I will be a faithful woman, a woman of honour and integrity. I was wrong, I thought constantly fighting my yang and supressing my inner darkness would make up for my past, but it didn’t. The truth is, I do think about you. More than you know.

Sorry I know its too late to be saying all this.

This is what I think. I think that God makes somedays (especially the days that are supposed to go well) turn into turmoil because He is punishing me. Punishing me for many unspecified reasons. Is it because of you? I don't know... Anyway this is what takes me from sobbing to a crooked smile again. I do hope you remember my smile. I miss the comforting silence. Even if you don’t reply, I know you mean well and I know you still think of me as I of you.

Anyway I hope you find some usefulness in my pain...

Maybe I am going through all of this only for you to write about it... I loved the last one and it wasn’t a lie for me. I was just too far gone... I hope you understand. If this does make it into your book then at least I know my pain is for a reason and its useful to you which I find comfort in. Who would have know the very first day we met at the station it would end like this... or start... who knows...

How can you tell if you’re putting so much pressure on yourself? I don’t know

By the way when I say “I smile after I realise I deserve it” I don’t mean smile as in “phew good on me”... No, that smile is a pity smile. I pity myself because I think that my own actions somehow brought this upon myself. Whether it be my actions with this person or my actions before this person aka karma.

May there will be a next time... Maybe not. I have to go now x

This is happening for me

optimistic

/ɒptɪˈmɪstɪk/

adjective

hopeful and confident about the future

We’re gonna get smart and do whatever it takes. We’re very optimistic

Bill Gates

Are you a person of optimism? Do you always see the best in people or situations?

Assuming the events of life will continue to transpire in your favour simply because it previously has, does not make you an optimistic person. Real optimism comes if you've ever been lucky enough to experience Murphy's law is in full effect in your life. Things can and will go wrong if you give them a chance. What does one do then?

Childhood is important.

In the previous writings we briefly touched on experiencing the same life events until you have an awareness of what these occurrences are teaching or attempting to teach you . So many are still caught in this loop. When life happens, the tendency to think the worst of the situation and/or people becomes the norm. They have unknowingly created a negative path of least resistance in their mind, conditioned to see and expect the worst even if the outcome is mostly unknown. And the cycle goes on... you face more adversity because you expect more adversity, building your character and behaviour on this belief, slowly shaping your reality into hell. This will inevitably leave you with the question so many have asked:

“Why is this always happening to me?”

It’s all in the mind

One of the keys to freedom is a simple change in perspective. From "why is this happening to me?" to "This is happening for me" Life is happening for me. For me to grow, to learn, to become who I am created to be. Even in the darkest of times, you're being moulded and shaped unknowingly. Embrace it. Get off the negative train of thoughts. Expect good and allow good to enter your life today. Take action my friend.

The utterances of the eternal mind must be used as tool to serve your purpose in this life. Do not let it use you.

As we are at the end of this fragmented scribble. I hope the reader understands that it's all you. Negative or positive, it's all you. I described the mind as a beautiful oasis that screams danger for the mere fact that if it isn't looked after it is a treacherous place indeed. Hell on earth.

So, are you a person of optimism? Do you always see the best in people or situations?

If somethings the thing to do, you do it, you know?

Warren Buffet